Are You Being Bullied at Your Office?

from Tory Johnson, ABC News

Nearly 40 percent of American workers say they have experienced workplace bullying, according to a new study by research firm Zogby International.

A University of Minnesota report released earlier this month found the emotional toll associated with workplace bullying can be more severe than that of sexual harassment.

While sexual harassment is illegal, workplace bullying currently is not. But new legislation aimed at changing that has been introduced in several states .

Bullying in the workplace takes so many forms. Among them:

Humiliating comments or actions: Making comments or taking action desired to humiliate you is a form of bullying. In a meeting or at the water cooler, you offer what you think is a good idea. A bully smirks and calls you a moron. A bully laughs at you or mocks you in public.

Excessive yelling: A boss can disapprove of your performance. A boss can be upset if you’re repeatedly late. But none of that is an excuse to be a screamer — in private or in front of others. Yelling repeatedly is a bully tactic.

Undermining your status at work: This includes withholding key information from you. Excluding you from an e-mail distribution once could be an oversight. Doing it consistently, or always intentionally leaving you out of meetings when you ought to be in the loop, is the pattern of a bully.

Failing to give credit: Just as damaging is failing to give you the credit you’re due. If you’re working diligently and producing results but the boss or a colleague refuses to acknowledge you or your contribution on an ongoing basis — as if you simply don’t exist — that’s bullying.

There are steps workers can take to stop bullies from continuing to target them.

Stop it on the spot: If you can, nip it on the spot. People who bully do it because they can, and they won’t stop until someone stops them. So if you’re feeling strong, tell them firmly and directly, “Don’t speak to me that way. I’m professional and cordial to you, and I expect the same in return.”

Walk away from a tirade: You can also walk away. As a child, you might have had to sit still and take it from an intimidating parent; not so at work. Stand up and excuse yourself. “I have to go to the restroom.” “I have an appointment.” “I need some water.” This is especially useful if you’re on the verge of getting emotional which you don’t want a bully to witness.

Confront the bully calmly: When you’ve taken a breath and have had a chance to compose your thoughts, calmly confront the bully. Cite examples of the behavior that has been humiliating or demeaning and state that you expect it to stop. No name calling, just facts delivered in a reasoned manner.

Document the abuse: Documenting bully behavior is really important. Without the facts of when, where, witnesses and so on all clearly spelled out in writing you risk being brushed off as a petty complainer or tattletale. You can sound like you’re upset that someone is picking on you or that you’re thin-skinned. Going to HR or a top manager is serious — and to be taken seriously you want to present the facts. Facts are much harder to dispute and to ignore than emotions. And by putting everything in writing as it happens, you’re less likely to forget key details.

Find a new job: If management doesn’t help you, find a new job. No job is worth risking your mental and physical health — or repeated blows to your self-esteem. You must control your sanity and your self-worth — and that sometimes means removing yourself from a culture or situation where you believe both are in jeopardy.