Workplace bullies: from the schoolyard to the office

By Pansy Hall, examiner.com

You dread walking into work because you know you have to deal with that one person–the one who makes your work day a living hell, the one who belittles you, makes you feel stupid and occupies much needed space in your head.

Wait a minute! This sounds a lot like elementary school. That’s right the bullies have graduated from high school and even college and they’re coming to work with us.

That’s the topic “du jour”–workplace bullies. They make life miserable for all of us. Now they take your peace of mind rather than your lunch money.

So how do you deal with the supervisor who likes to berate and embarrass you or the co-worker who’s greatest contribution is insulting everyone else? You could confront them..but that doesn’t work. You have a heart to heart (as career coaches suggest) but bullies don’t care. The reality is you need to build up your arsenal. You have to fight them on an intellectual level. And how do you do that? By understanding what you’re dealing with. Unfortunately this is something that many people know way too much about. The reason is they’re just too nice to go off on a co-worker. (We’ll explore that concept in another article)

Twelve step programs such as AA teach that bullies are “egomaniacs with an inferiority complex.” Most bullies are trying to compensate for the fact that they have no confidence in themselves. That confidence they exude while making you feel like crap is really a lack of confidence. It’s the one area of their lives they can control.

For example, Brenda had an immediate supervisor who bragged about “tearing people down”. Brenda was in her cross hairs from the time she stated the job until she finally quit. The reality was the supervisor had no control over her personal life. Besides being impossibe to work for, Brenda’s supervisor also put all her personal business out in the office. The supervisor did that because the only friends she had were at work. She turned the office into her own little high school complete with cliques. For people who just wanted to do their jobs to the best of their ability, it was a nightmare.

Brenda tried the “grownup conversation”. Didn’t work. She even tried the “chain of command”. That didn’t work and Brenda became the problem. Eventually Ishe did what she had to do to protect her job. She took legal action because the one thing all bullies have in common is they rule by fear not by common sense. So if the bully happens to be your boss, he or she is probably breaking some rules. You just need to document every conversation, every comment and every confrontation. If the bully wants to have “an informal meeting”, bring a third party or a tape recorder.

The bottom line is don’t be afraid and realize you’re probably way smarter than the “bully”. On a serious note, victims of workplace bullies can suffer major health problems such as high blood pressure, heart disease and post traumatic stress disorder.

The best advice I can give is find another job. I know these days that’s easier said than done. Even if it’sa pay cut,, it’s much better than dying or going insane. Eventually it all balances out.

Also check out this article on workplace bullying: www.management-issues.com/2009/5/6/podcast/the-working-week-100.asp