Threat of stalking deserves more attention

By Jenice Armstrong, Philadelphia Daily News

Stalkers, often seemingly nice guys who refuse to take no for an answer, are the single woman’s nightmare.

You most likely know of someone who has been terrorized by someone who just won’t leave them alone.

Public figures are frequent targets. In April, actor Jamie Foxx fought off a stalker who tried to burst into his Center City hotel room when he was here filming a movie.

In May, police arrested a 39-year-old man for allegedly stalking an ex-girlfriend in Upper Darby by sending thousands of text and voicemail messages. “Im takin u wit me,” one of the messages read. “U n da face and me n da head.”

When you stop and think about it, it’s frightening how often it happens. Most victims are women. Statistics show that 20 out of 1,000 females over the age of 18 will be victimized this way during their lifetimes, according to the Stalking Resource Center, a program of the National Center for Victims of Crime.

Often, stalkers are ex-lovers who can’t accept the idea that the relationship is over. Instead of letting go and moving on, which is part of the normal breakup process, they weave a web of fear and harassment, showing up unexpectedly or leaving threatening phone messages. Restraining orders don’t always work and can even escalate a situation.

In the case of that Overbrook mother whose horrific murder was featured on the front page of yesterday’s Daily News, her ex-boyfriend had been breaking into her house, sitting on the bed and watching her as she slept. Jeffrey Finley reportedly had been haunting LeeAnn Smith for months.

I’ve been picturing the nightmarish scenario of how Smith, who planned to take her children to Disney World on Monday, barricaded herself in her bedroom and summoned police. After two officers arrived on the early-morning scene, the 39-year-old placed her two kids in the car and attempted to flee, only to be fatally wounded by Finley, who then turned the gun on himself. They both were pronounced dead at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania.

Another murder-suicide.

And more innocent children scarred by the vision of their mother killed at the hands of a former lover. And it happened on a day that was supposed to be all about fun for the 11- and 6-year-old children. But Finley’s bizarre fixation with Smith stood in the way.

I’m stuck with the image of her son asking, “Is my mom dead?”

It makes you wonder, could this have been prevented?

Jodi Rafkin of the Washington, D.C.-based Stalking Resource Center says part of the problem is that we don’t take stalking as seriously as we should. Too often, people laugh it off. We think it won’t happen to us. It’s a celebrity thing, we say. More awareness needs to be raised so that victims realize immediately when they are targeted.

“It’s not illegal to send someone flowers or to make phone calls repeatedly or to drive by their house if there isn’t a protection order,” said Rafkin, a program attorney with the center. “A lot of stalking victims will minimize it. They say, ‘If I ignore him, he’ll go away’ or ‘It really isn’t that bad.’ ”

Rafkin advises people to “listen to their gut.”

It’s too late in Smith’s case. But it doesn’t have to be too late for the next woman who’s hoping that the text-messaging will stop or that her ex-husband will stop lurking outside her workplace.

“Learn more about what stalking is, what the behaviors are and how to recognize if someone is stalking you,” Rafkin urged.

Your life could depend upon it.