Taking on that workplace bully

By Rachel Sa, The Toronto Sun

Few people look forward to going to work on a Monday morning. Some lay in bed on a Sunday night absolutely dreading it.

I have. And I am not alone. Anyone who has been a victim of workplace bullying feels this dread and, perhaps, even worse.

It does not have to be physical abuse. In one of my jobs, I endured a lengthy stretch of verbal abuse. Bullying in the workplace leaves you angry, worn out, fearful, resentful and exhausted.

But, hopefully, more of us will soon sleep easier — if the Ontario government steps up to the plate. Bill 168, an amendment to the Occupational Health and Safety Act, is currently before the Standing Committee on Social Policy. If made law, it will make Ontario one of only three provinces, along with Quebec and Saskatchewan, to outlaw workplace harassment.

The Bill describes workplace harassment as “engaging in a course of vexatious comment or conduct against a worker in a workplace that is known or ought reasonably to be known to be unwelcome.”

Valerie Cade describes it in a more down-to-earth way:

“Bullying in the workplace is deliberate, disrespectful and repeated behaviour toward a target,” says Cade, author of the book.

In my situation, I knew I was in trouble the first time the boss swore at and hung up on me. It was all downhill from there.

While Canadian statistics are slim, numbers show 1 in 6 American workers have been the target of workplace bullying. And, because the first reaction of most targets is denial, Cade believes the numbers are even higher, more like 1 in 4.

The standard tactics for resolving conflicts in the workplace just don’t work with a bully.

“When you’re dealing with a bully, extending an olive branch doesn’t work. They cut down that branch and burn it,” Cade says.

But how do you know if you’re being bullied or just enduring a difficult person? The difference is about intention, Cade says.

“Somebody who just exhibits difficult behaviour acts out to have their own way or to have their needs met. They’re likely unaware that it affects everyone and they will likely feel remorse if it’s brought to their attention,” she explains. “But a bully is incapable of remorse and incapable of empathy with their target.”

It will be cold comfort for the other targets out there to hear that bullies always bully out of envy.

“A bully is addicted to the ‘power over you’ feeling, and their addiction must be fed.”

There are steps you can take to cope with a bully’s behaviour. I tried them all:

Don’t ever be alone with the bully.

Don’t waste time explaining to a bully how they’ve hurt you: They don’t care. Keep it short with something like: “That sounds like a put-down to me.” Be the first to walk away.

You can try to fix a situation. Talk to HR or to your boss about an intervention.

Alas, most of the time, the bully is your boss. That was my situation.

If all else fails, you do what I did: Get another job.

Unfortunately, Cade says, 80% of targets leave their position and the vast majority wait too long, and endure too much abuse, before leaving. Post-traumatic stress is not uncommon.

Most of us will spend the majority of our lives at work. So, when that workplace is poisoned by a bully, that poison seeps into every facet of your life. It affects your health, your mood, your sleep and the people around you.

Hopefully, Bill 168 will deter and punish the people who create such toxic work environments, and give exhausted targets a new weapon to stand up to the office bully.