Taking on workplace bullies

By Sharon Ryan, The Vancouver Sun

Dear Sharon: For two years, I have been the victim of workplace bullying. My boss passes me up for promotions and ostracizes me from social gatherings. Now he and his minions joke about how I must be feeling the pinch by now. I’m sure they want me to leave but I refuse. I need survival tips because this torture is ruining my health. Y.

Dear Y.: Twenty-five to thirty per cent of all employees feel bullied at some time in their careers; 10 per cent of employees feel bullied at any given time.

Bullying is sustained abuse over a minimum of six months. Shorter time frames are referred to as hostile events. Your assessment of the bullies’ intentions is probably correct. Most bullies do it to drive the bullied one out.

The first step to surviving this experience is to reframe it using a strong metaphor and then to develop a strategy to defend yourself.

First, you are not a victim; you are a target. Second, avoid seeing your experience as a nightmare, torture or death. These metaphors create an inescapable outcome. Instead reframe it as a game, war, or even a “matrix.”

The new metaphor takes on a generative quality. For example, if you see the interaction as a matrix, you’ll regard the opponent as a person who has a different reality than you. This realization enables you to take some control over your response to his or her tactics. It depersonalizes the pain, without numbing it, and transforms an unnecessary drain of energy into a recharging of your strategic mind.

Now develop a strategy to “win the game,” “beat the opponent,” or “defend your flank” without leading the opponent into retribution. If things escalate to that level, you may have to leave, so avoid it.